Right Emma, get your shit together and get cracking.
Something doesn’t feel right. I’ve my list of what I need to do, again this niggling in the back of my mind that something isn’t right. Ahh well I need to crack on, so lets do this.
Did I tell you my mates on my face (the spots) have made new mates! I mean I’m all for being sociable and all, but this takes the piss.. and TODAY of all days.
Out comes my make up bag and two coffees later, off we go.
Does anyone else hate having their pictures taken? I mean a silly selfie, or night out when you’re relaxed I’m OK with (or it could just be all the filters ha ha). This however was a different story, Just picture those awkward family pictures where someone looks so out of sorts compared to anyone else..yup, that is me.
So after some uncomfortable pictures, the first class went well and got some ace shots and an awesome start to the #Powerkids class, I should be buzzing.
However as I walked through the door I was hit with wave upon wave of panic, and felt sick. It totally overwhelmed me.
I have been so preoccupied with deadlines, pushing myself for these pictures, my business, So focused on being ready for the growth of Emspired Fitness I hadn’t even noticed how stressed I was.
All it took was Mark asking me if I was OK? I thought for a second and “no, no I’m not” and I burst into tears…
Holy shit, I couldn’t stop it.
I’m so hard on myself, all of the time! Yes, this is HUGE part of what drives me.
It’s also a huge part of what’s just taken over. Anxiety is a C**t. So I let it out, and then afterwards realise what an absolute tool I am. Why do we do this, be our own worst critic and push, push, push.
Stress, Anxiety and depression are funny old things. You can’t predict it, plan for it or wish it to go away! Most importantly you shouldn’t settle with anxiety being a big part of your identity, it isn’t. Anxiety is not your life and it’s not who you are, it’s just a small part of you that doesn’t have to be so loud.
Everyone has anxiety in varying levels and some of us are better at it than others. If you have anxiety or any other form of mental health issue, you CAN change how much it affects you. Don’t just settle, take steps to improving your life. It may take time, hard work and dedication but it’s worth it in the end. Also remember that you aren’t alone.
It’s also been a few months since I’ve seen my therapist! A few months back, I decided to take action and find someone to talk to. It was the best thing I did, and helped me see a few things clearly.
You are not the only one feeling the way you do and although at times it can seem as though nobody understands, yourself included, there will be somebody or something that can help. A friend, a therapist, a partner.
Ultimately, though, only YOU can make the biggest difference by making that first, and often very terrifying first step. I can’t even express to you in words how happy I am that I decided to make that change. So that’s given me the kick I need to book my appointment.
Your Mental Health is just as important as your Physical Health, and I know this better than anyone. Time I practised what I preach.